Twas the night before Christmas

An ode to all two infosec people who are keeping the home fires burning over the holidays. May your pager never beep on this specialy day!

Apologies to Clement Clarke Moor - Twas the night before Xmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the office
Not a creature was stirring, not even an optical mouse.
The security budget request was hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The admins were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of playstations danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the IDS there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the pager I flew like a flash,
booted and VPN'd in like a dash.

A botnet was built from whoa to go,
through the monitored web proxy its C&C did flow.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a CSIRT, incorporating many security engineers.

With a little security leader, so wizened and old,
I knew in a moment it must be the CISO.
More rapid than eagles his direct reports they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Analyst! now, Crypto Guy! now, Compliance and Tester!
On, Consultant! On, Communications! on, on IDS dude and Forensics!
To the SEIM solution! to the firewall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the keyboards
The tappering and twittering of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Into the incident room came the CISO with a bound.

He was dressed all in casuals, from his head to his foot,
a surprise as his team had never seen him without his suit.
A bundle of caffeinated drinks he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And patched all the workstations, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, the CIO he called!

He sprang to his car, to his CSIRT gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"